When it's time to go within

We get the call. The call from her. She screams to be heard, to be seen, to be acknowledged.

She comes and goes as she pleases and the frequency of her visits will change dependent on where we are in life at the time.

For me, in this particular point is 4 days from menstruation. I'm cranky, I have no patience with my partner, or my mum calling from Australia, I've snapped at them both. My partner asked me to go for a walk, at first I said yes after some time to think about I said no, I had work to do. In truth, I need time on my own, I just want to be alone.

I'm reading Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés for the second time, the first time was at the end of 2015 when my marriage breakdown. It was my initiation into learning the ways of the Wild Woman and seeing myself come home to her. Suddenly everything I was doing made sense, it was in my psyche to break free from the cage I built around myself.

Fast forward 4.5 years and I am revelling in the truth of the words before me, singing to my soul just like they did the first time. I'm coming home to myself again, and on the next cycle of expansion, the part where I take action into my business dreams and make them a reality.

I used to dread getting my period, I used to be scared of her who would take over me the days of premenstruation where I turn into a beast. Now while I feel bad for her behaviour, I have to acknowledge her pain and fury and see she is doing this because I have ignored her over the course of the last menstrual cycle.

So what does she want, and what have I done to piss her off? The truth is I haven't honoured my divine feminine and masculine. The divine feminine is that part of me that wants to feel all day, and the divine masculine is the doing. Sometimes I do neither, I procrastinate and find excuses to do something else.

Today it would have been going on that walk and ignoring the inner signs telling me to be alone and connect with myself. The benefit of her screaming, is that she got what she wanted - to be alone and she's getting heard by writing these words.

Another tick off the list of things on my to do list.

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